"It's amazing how much 'mature wisdom' resembles being too tired." --Robert Heinlein

The Church of Reality




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Insights from Lost & Found

I wonder what I'll find out next!

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Revelation 5

What would you have done in my place? After I watched a couple rounds of singing, crown flinging, and prostration in stunned silence, a few of the eyes on the back of that flying lion thing started staring at me.

So I started singing and lying down on my belly too. I didn't have a crown to fling at God's feet, so I threw off my shirt instead.

This went on forever. I noticed the door I had entered through was gone, and this ... hall? ... looked like a huge white egg from the inside, only the walls were fuzzy and indistinct and faraway. No way in, no way out. The lyrics from Hotel California started buzzing in my ear. So this is Heaven? Such a lovely place.


I don't know how long forever might be. We didn't have wrist watches back in those days, I had no way to track time. Maybe it was only a day. Maybe it was a month. For some reason I didn't get hungry, or thirsty, and all the exertion of singing and flinging didn't make me sweat. But I couldn't stop. That sense we call "free will" had deserted me.


As soon as I noticed the scroll God was holding in his right hand, a scroll with seven seals, the singing and flinging abruptly stopped. For a split second I was the only one carrying on, my voice echoing off those egg walls, but then I shut up and put my shirt back on.

For a great angel had appeared before the Lord God, and demanded, "Who is worthy to open the scroll and break its seals?"

Not me, that's for sure. And I started to cry. I thought Heaven was supposed to be filled with my long lost family and friends, welcoming me home, not this crazy shit!

One of those crowned fellas stepped down and put an arm around me, "Do not cry. The Son of God has just now triumphed over his crucifixion, he is our worthy Savior, he will open the scroll for us."

Then I saw a Lamb standing in between those four hideous eyeball creatures. And I understood the Lamb was Jesus.

The Lamb approached God and with its hand (?!) took the scroll.

The 24 elders immediately started playing harps and incense rapidly filled the chamber, everybody started singing a new song about how Jesus had given his life to save humanity. As the smoke grew thicker, more people arrived, or maybe they were angels, more beings than I could ever count filled the egg-shaped room, even standing on the ceiling! I think there were even more people outside.

More singing, more deafening praise! Then the eyeball things screamed "AMEN!" and everyone fell to the floor. So I fell down too.

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