"It's amazing how much 'mature wisdom' resembles being too tired." --Robert Heinlein

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Wither Dating?

Today one of my LiveJournal friends posted a list of dating Do's and Don't's ... it was amusing, but it reminded me once again how far from the mainstream I am with regard to sexual/romantic relationships.

As I've been saying for quite a while now, I'm more interested in fun than in trying to find the best possible mate for me and then trying to make our relationship "work". I haven't had a mating-crush in over a year. As time goes by, and I continue to feel happy and satisfied as a single man, I find myself more and more amused by the efforts others make at trying to date, at trying to find a person "with eyes only for me" LOL.

I've also learned not to blame my occasional bad moods on my relationship status. It would make as much sense to blame my more prevalent good moods on my relationship status ;-)

I'm in a weird kind of place, compared to most of the eligible gay bachelors I've known. I'm not at all interested in sexually hooking up with strangers. I'm also not interested in dating strangers. Nearly all of my social time this year has been spent with friends and family, people I've already met, people I already care about. If I met an interesting and attractive stranger, I'd definitely want to get to know him better, but not in the emotionally supercharged "dating" arena. Not if he were auditioning me for the starring role of his lifetime -- who wants that much pressure? I'd want to get to know him better because it pleases me, and I'd start caring about him because I'm a natural empath. That's all, no particular expectations for the future.

I was thinking today that my life is busy enough without trying to stuff in dating, or a "boyfriend". When my life isn't feeling busy I reach out to family and friends, people I already know, or I add a new hobby to the list of activities I'm pursuing.

I find it strange, even though I used to do this, I now find it strange that single fellas even try to turn complete strangers into their next husband, no matter what list of Do's and Don't's they construct along the way. I think it is irrational to expect strangers to bloom in that way. I'd rather get to know somebody first. Turn him from a stranger into an acquaintance. Then, if he's got time, relationship skills and emotional stability, make him into a friend. Then, if he's not caught up in the mainstream idealism about coupled relationships, if we've got similar interests, maybe see him on a regular basis. Eventually, maybe it would make sense to live together. Whether I have sex with him is irrelevant, actually, though I'm generally open to having sex with any of my gay male friends.

Nowhere along the way must a "date" happen. Nowhere along the way must we label each other "boyfriend". Nowhere along the way must we progress to something more "serious". We'd allow our interests and attachments to flow naturally, while practicing mutual awareness.

No big deal. I'm OK, regardless.

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