"It's amazing how much 'mature wisdom' resembles being too tired." --Robert Heinlein

The Church of Reality




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Boyfriend Criteria

If I were holding auditions, which I'm not currently doing, I guess I'd have certain criteria for people who wanted to become my boyfriend. Presumably they have their criteria also, and they've already decided that I meet most of them. But, if I'm to undergo the stress of adding somebody to my life, making room for him, considering his needs, listening to him, loving him, putting up with all of his foibles and bad moods ... which I would do, of course, I've got years of experience doing those things ;-)

My own list of non-negotiables would include:

You don't already have one or more boyfriends, and you've been single long enough to get over him. Although I appreciate polyamory, I'm not interested in being one of several "boyfriends". If you already have one or more boyfriends, I'd be happy to hang out, become friends, possibly have sex, but I'm not going to make you my #1. Plus, you need to be single for a while before latching on to a new boyfriend.

You have time for a boyfriend -- for example, you aren't married to your job(s), you don't have so many extra-curricular commitments that scheduling time with me would be a chore. That's cool if you like being involved in lots of things, but ... I don't, and I won't always want to be dragged along, and I'd like you to have some energy for us, alone, playtime :-)

You won't dump me if I have sex with somebody else. Just as I wouldn't dump you if you had sex with somebody else. We can talk about when and whom we might do, and discuss ground rules, but if the ground rule is zero, then I'll probably break it someday, given my past experiences, so let's move on.

You eat a mostly nutritious diet and you enjoy exercise often. I don't require you to look like a fitness magazine model, not at all, I sure don't, but if I'm supposed to invest time and energy into a relationship with you, I expect you to maintain yourself for us! Plus, some of my favorite activities involve moving my body, and if you'd rather eat, sit, and watch TV we're not going to have much in common.

You are more intelligent than average. I've got genius-level intelligence, so it would make sense if you had an I.Q. at least one standard deviation above the norm. We'd have more interesting post-sex discussions ;-)

You have long-term relationship experience. Well ... I might try dating somebody who doesn't already have long-term relationship experience ... but I'm not optimistic about it. I'm much more comfortable knowing that you have the temperament to make it past the first anniversary. Why you haven't had a long-term relationship before will be an important question during your audition period.

That's about it.

Oh, plus, you won't physically abuse me (unless it is part of our consensual S&M sex life), and you'll always be completely honest with me.

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