"It's amazing how much 'mature wisdom' resembles being too tired." --Robert Heinlein

The Church of Reality




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Insights from Lost & Found

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I don't buy me flowers anymore ...

Recently, somebody I care about was criticizing himself in a non-constructive way, simply calling himself names, suggesting that he's not physically attractive (even though he's had no shortage of suitors). I don't know too many heterosexual guys, so I don't know how common this is among hets, but among gay guys it is pretty common to criticize yourself for not looking like a magazine ad or a porn star, no matter how attractive you are. I've certainly done my share of self-criticism ... no matter how much other people might be attracted to me, I have often focused only upon my physical "faults" ...

But the other day, as this handsome friend of mine criticized himself, I reassured him that he's a handsome guy, and I realized that I'd never criticize somebody else the way I criticize myself. I care about my beloved friends! I see their good points, I support them, I embrace their so-called imperfections. I might strategize about ways to help them achieve their goals, if they ask for advice, but I don't verbally abuse them regarding their so-called mistakes.

I bet most of us are supportive of our friends in this way. We wouldn't criticize our friends the way we criticize ourselves.

So why do we criticize ourselves that way? Can't we at least agree with ourselves to be friends? Friends with ourselves! Cheering ourselves up if we are having a bad day, instead of tearing ourselves down with verbal abuse. It is important to work on our relationships with ourselves learning to treat ourselves with the same respect that a lover would expect from us.

Instead of waiting for somebody else to buy us flowers, we can buy them for ourselves.

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