"It's amazing how much 'mature wisdom' resembles being too tired." --Robert Heinlein

The Church of Reality




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Insights from Lost & Found

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This is Magger Frane's 'blog.


Romantic Intimidation

(I wrote this on January 25th, 2002)

I still remember my first date with KWC, back in 1990 ... how nerve-wracking it was ... because I'd never met somebody so attractive in so many ways who also seemed to like me.

We went to our first lunch together, but I could hardly eat a bite, my stomach was so topsy-turvy.

Soon after, he took me to meet a couple of his friends. These guys were a great couple, very fashionable, friendly, great cooks, excellent conversationalists. They knew a lot about things that I didn't understand. I felt very intimidated by them, and felt like I was unworthy of KWC's hand.

Worthy or not, we stayed together, lived together, were in a monogamous relationship for over 7 years, and remain close friends today.


Sometimes when I encounter people who have well-developed interests that I don't share, I feel intimidated. I fall into tunnel-vision and only notice that I am lacking a particular quality. I realize that I can't compete with them on that level, and I wonder why I'm still being invited along.


In the polyamorous world of multiple romantic relationships, we and our partners will find ourselves attracted to a diverse range of people. Some of our partners will have qualities that other partners don't share. Some of our partners will enjoy activities that other partners don't enjoy.

Even monogamous relationships can be tough to establish and maintain. With polyamorous relationships, you have to be willing to face ... and accept ... that there are areas in which you don't excel ... that there are activities you don't enjoy ... even though other people excel in and enjoy those things ... that your uniqueness is to be treasured despite these limitations. An emerald is beautiful, as is a sapphire, as is a gold medallion, as are ... all the other forms we behold.

When other people shine, it does not diminish our own light.

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