Dear Secretary Rumsfeld,
As a concerned American citizen I would like to support our troops who are risking their lives to preserve and extend American hegemony.
As a concerned homosexual man I am especially interested in supporting those homosexual troops who labor under the additional burden of Don't Ask Don't Tell's inequality, discrimination, prejudice, and harassment.
In the interest of pursuing these humanitarian concerns for our homosexual troops, I respectfully ask that you forward to me the name of a random male homosexual serving his country in uniform, so that I might send him a care package of homemade chocolate chip brownies & exciting gay male pornography. I know that if I were serving my country at war overseas that I would greatly appreciate such a thoughtful care package.
Sincerely yours,
Matthew Dominic Hunter
(I sent this letter to the Secretary over a year ago and have received no response.)
