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This is Matthew Dominic Hunter's 'blog.

 

"Is that a mountain?"


[I first told this story four years ago today]

Getting to Dulles International Airport, parking, security, etc., all went very well. I had fun people-watching at the gate for about an hour until they started loading us haphazardly into the 757. I kept hoping one of the HOT guys would be sitting next to me.

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My communication receptors are usually context-driven, especially with strangers. So when a TSA drone asked me rather excitedly after I stepped through the metal+ detector, "Do you box?" I couldn't figure out what he was saying. Was he asking me something about my luggage, shoes, or laptop, all of which had been carefully placed into white bins for X-Ray?

I kept saying, "What?" and "I'm sorry, I can't hear you." And he kept saying, "Do you box?" or "Are you a boxer?"

WTF??? Finally he pointed to my orange T-shirt, which says, "Brooklyn Heights Boxing Club 147" on it. Frell, it's only a shirt. He was kinda HOT ... was he trying to pick me up? Do I look like a boxer these days?

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As usual, our boarding passes grouped us into boarding groups. But it wasn't clear that these boarding groups had any logic to their structure. And many people ignore them anyway. And as some people queue up for boarding, others simply push their way to the front of the line. I'm not sure why airlines bother with these unenforced boarding groups when they can't even afford to feed us dinner on a 5 hour flight anymore.

As I waited like an assimilated sheep for my boarding group to be called, I spied a very large woman with no brain and uncontrollable sneezing asking other passengers things like, "Is this the gate for Seattle?" "Is this the line for boarding?" I was very happy when I arrived at seat 21A and saw her seated over at 21D, across the aisle, instead of next to me. Whew!

Until the real 21D ticketholder showed up. And bounced her to her real seat, 21B. Oh, yes, a "B" does look different from a "D". At least she'd found the correct row.

She was too large to be sitting in a middle seat!!!! And she was coughing and sneezing!!! And she had no brain!!!

After squeezing into her seat, she grabbed a Cosmopolitan magazine from the seat pocket in front of 21C, and started reading about "Why Men Like to Watch Two Women Making Out." Ewwwww.

Then the woman in 21C said, "Excuse me, is that my magazine?" LOL!!!

21B responded loudly, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm a grandmother, I don't have sex anymore." I'm not making this up!!!

21C was completely embarrassed, as her husband and two children in 21D, E, and F watched and listened. "Oh, I just buy it for the advertisements," she said. I'm not making this up!!!

Then neither of them wanted the magazine anymore. They kept saying to the other, "Oh no, you go ahead, you read it."

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Much later, as we began our descent into Seattle, 21B pointed out the window and asked me, "Is that a mountain?"

"Yes, that's a mountain."


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