"It's amazing how much 'mature wisdom' resembles being too tired." --Robert Heinlein
 

The Church of Reality


Tricycle


Freethinkers


 

Home

Table of Contents


Insights from Lost & Found

I wonder what I'll find out next!

This is Matthew Dominic Hunter's 'blog.

 

Relationships are Illusions


(Adapted from a previous essay I wrote on 5/1/02)

What is the purpose of my romantic relationships?

I told somebody today that I thought marriage was a shared fantasy of the future designed to make us feel better about the present ...

-----

Because one of the Buddhist teachings that is banging my head very powerfully right now is the concept of now ... that all we have is now ... that all we have is our current perceptions ... me sitting in my rocking chair typing on my computer ...

My primary boyfriend isn't here. None of my fuckbuddies are here. Nobody is here but me. I'm all alone. But that doesn't bother me, because inside my head I have this memory/fantasy/expectation that I have relationships with other people.

As though this idea that I have relationships is a security blanket ... I'm not really alone (though I am) because I have relationships with other people (who aren't here). I expect to see those other people again.

-----

When I broke up with KWC after 7+ monogamous years together, I hurt like I'd never hurt before. But KWC didn't disappear. Actually, we continued living together as roomies for several months. Today we are good friends.

So what was it that hurt so bad? We "broke up". What exactly broke? Other than the sex, which is only a small part of a live-together relationship.

-----

Aren't these things we call "relationships" just our imaginations? As we hang out with people whose observable behaviors allow us to imagine that we have the type of relationship(s) we think we want ...

-----

I was talking with a woman the other day about my father being in a nursing home, after suffering several strokes and other ailments.

This woman told me about one of her relatives who was also in a nursing home, and about how her relative would make up stories to explain her surroundings ... Mrs. Y didn't think she was in a nursing home, she thought she was resting after cleaning up after all the people who lived down the hall ...

That got me to thinking about how we all tell our little stories ... stories that explain why we do what we do ... stories that help us believe we are good people, stories that help us believe we are in "relationships", stories that help us believe there are reasons for the events in our lives.


[Previous entry: "Independence is an Illusion"] [TOC] [Next entry: "Stationary Relocation ..."]

 

TERMS OF SERVICE: All the original contents of this web site are copyrighted by Matthew Dominic Hunter as of the date of publication. You expressly understand and agree that your use of this 'blog is at your sole risk. You expressly understand and agree that Matthew Dominic Hunter shall not be liable for any damages resulting from your use of this 'blog. Any dispute, controversy or difference arising out of, in relation to, or in connection with, the foregoing, which cannot be settled by mutual agreement, shall be ignored.

DISCLAIMER: Use of semi-advanced computing technology does not imply an endorsement of Western Industrial Civilization (nor does it imply that I believe this technology was reverse-engineered at Roswell).